I decided it would be best if me and Addison slept in the guest room for a few nights while we weaned, to avoid disturbing Colton and Tristan.* Colton was sad about this, but Addison didn’t seem to care one bit, as she didn’t mention being in another room.
*For those of you who don’t know, we family bedshare (king sized bed).
9pm - Nursed to sleep. I tried to make it a later night to minimize the chance she would wake before 11p and therefore nurse back to sleep. I was kinda a mess. Cried. Prayed over her and the impending situation— that she will understand, be calm, that I would be patient and calm and have good tactics on how to get her back to sleep quickly and peacefully without nursing.
1135p - Awake. Took me a few minutes to gather my stuff I had piled up by the door to bring in for distractions and assistance, grab my water, her milk, etc). Nursed, and then pulled away to ensure she didn’t fall asleep on the breast. She fussed about while I pat her, until she finally gave way to words and said “Mutte please mommy” and I told her it went to sleep, then she burst into tears.
1142-1146p - Protest. Upset, crying and asking for milk. I reminded her of our book and turned on the Seahorse and she stopped, opened her eyes, and said, “I wanna see it!” and then laid down and watched the seahorse until she fell asleep without another peep. I was floored.
1158pm - Asleep.
Midnight-1228a - Although asleep, every 5-10 minutes she would pop up for a second, reassess her situation, looking around, confirming it was the same —Seahorse, Mommy, no milk— and plop right back down again, repositioning, putting her hand on me and the seahorse, and falling straight back asleep, until she finally woke completely.
1228a - She sat up and said she wanted to get up (trying to avoid having to sleep with no milk), but when I told her it was night and bedtime, she said she had to go potty. Really? But I took her, and to my surprise, she was bone dry and peed straight away. Diversion tactics. It’s okay, I appreciated the small benefit anyway.
1235a - Got back in bed and then after realizing she couldn’t avoid bedtime, and still couldn’t get milk, she started crying and said, “I want to sleep with Colton! I want go to Colton’s bed.” After a minute I agreed. After all, she had been fairly quiet minus that first cry. I explained she had to be quiet and she agreed. We’ll see.
1250a - Back in our bed, mucking about, she asked for the “Mutte´ Sunshine book”. So I left the room to retrieve it and we read it. Maybe she just wanted some reassurance about what was happening to her. She seemed to enjoy it and it kinda soothed her.
103a -106am - Still unable to fall asleep, wailed for milk.
106am - cuddled.
115am - asked for the potty again. Gr. I obliged. Still dry, peed again. I was thankful for that at least.
125am - Back in bed and watching and listening to the Seahorse, she got cozy and became very quiet and still finally, trying to fall asleep. Snug into my arm, with her head facing away, she laid. After a minute of stillness and silence I hear softly, “I love you Mommy.” I almost burst into tears. She still loves me. Even though I am withholding the singular most comforting thing in the world to her and upsetting her, she still loves me and feels compelled to say it. It’s almost as if she also wanted to assure me this new situation doesn’t change her feelings. I almost burst into tears. and then the Seahorse went off a moment later, and she was asleep.
136-137am - Okay not quite asleep. She awoke 10 minutes later and cried for milk. Then listened to the seahorse for another 10 minutes and was asleep for reals.
148am - Asleep.
454am - Awake. I think this was due to Colton waking up and needing to pee. I can’t be sure, it seemed like it happened simultaneously, but in any event, I chose to nurse her and then instantly regretted it. This is the method I did with Colton, but looking on the situation, I feel like I could have just turned the seahorse on and patted her and got her to go back to sleep. Maybe not. Maybe she would have had the same reaction, I would never be able to say, but I definitely think giving her the boob and then suddenly taking it away doesn’t make sense. So I’m not going to do that again. It’s no more milk after being put to sleep until the sun comes up from now on.
457am-502am - Screamed, refusing to be quiet to listen to the seahorse until I shut it off and then she screamed “ON! ON!” So I said okay, but you have to be quiet, and she was. Listened to it for 5 minutes and was out.
504am - Asleep
630a - Awake. Sun is up! Made her open her eyes to see the sun, explained she could have milk, and nursed back to sleep.
8am - Awake for the day.
PHEW. Quite a few wake ups. She did ASTOUNDING that first go, but then I think got increasingly upset to realize this was a new system that was sticking around. I also can’t imagine it helped having her brother in bed, needing to pee, wiggling around trying to fall asleep with her making such a racket. Plus, when she would be on the verge of sleep, he would move and disturb her, which normally wouldn’t, but when she’s putting herself to sleep unassisted for the first time, I imagine it’s quite difficult to keep yourself relaxed and undisturbed. This does seem like more wake-ups than if she had been nursing, which usually she doesn’t wake up at all once I’m in bed, or maybe once. But it is a difficult new thing, so I’m sure it will get better.
Also, all together she cried (like, cannot help it actual tears) accumulatively for about 15 minutes I would say the entire time he was awake (maybe 5 of those minutes were at one time), which I’m not surprised about, as she does definitely put up fusses about stuff way more than Colton did (that is, fights to get her way). But she handled it spectacularly overall.
Longest stretch of sleep: 3hrs
Longest stretch of being awake: 1.5hrs
Amount of crying: About 15min (longest set was probably 5 minutes)
Number of times awake: 4? This is tricky because she did a lot of awake-asleep-awake within less than 10 minutes of each other that first stretch. But she awoke first at 1130p, then asleep off and on for about 30 minutes but asleep for reals by 2am, then awake at 5am, then awake at 630a, then 8am for the day. Man. That’s a lot. Didn’t seem bad overall, but that is a lot. And more than she ever would do if she were nursing. Onward and Upward!